in short

sometimes it's exhausting. i anticipated there would be may questions about my daughter. probably the most common question is, "where is she from?" i happily answer this one. i feel like this question is an opportunity to educate people about ethiopia -- a place i fell in love with while falling in love with my child. the next question i usually hear is, "what's her story? are her parents dead?" this is a trickier question to answer. my husband and i decided quite some time ago, way before we even got our referral, that our child's story would be just that. hers. when she gets older and begins to inevitably explore where she came from, we will share with her this story. we both firmly believe it is hers to hear first and hers to share if she chooses to do so. and basically, that's how i answer. probably the hardest people to say that to is family. because our families know so much about our biological children. my parents were there -- in the delivery room -- when they came into the world. but we stick by our decision. even if in the moment of delivering our explanation there's some tension and awkwardness.



i have also learned how difficult it is for people to let go of assumptions. "wow. she is thriving here! it is all because of your family providing her with the love she never had." this child was crazy loved. the care center she came from was beautiful, loving, nurturing. when we took our child the nannies cried. they were connected to our child. and then there was the life each child had before arriving at the care center -- although some children had been cared for there since birth. children in ethiopia are not put up for adoption because of any reason besides poverty. poverty is insidious. adoption -- giving up a child to be raised by strangers -- is entirely foreign to ethiopian culture. that little saying hillary clinton made about it taking a village? well, this is how children are raised in ethiopia. everyone is a part of creating the best possible life for the children. it is only in the face of impossibility -- of absolutely no other choice -- that any child is relinquished. there is no way to prepare for the depth of sorrow and angst that this reality brings to a place where family is everything.

i am greatful. i am honored. i am blessed. I am lucky.