the beginning of reflection

this is just a snippet. i can't write it all at once. a tiny sliver of a chapter to be continued...

it has been an amazing journey. and it's incredible how after so much paperwork and anticipation and ups and downs, you get home and everything just becomes normal. she's our kid and it's as simple as that. she doesn't want to share toys, she cries when she doesn't get her way, she poops she pees... nothing out of the ordinary. and yet her journey to us has forever changed us.

ethiopia was incredible. i went a few days early to have a more authentic and unscheduled experience. my friend and guide who is from ethiopia went with me as i left my husband to meet me a few days later at the addis airport. i am so glad i decided to do this. it was a hard decision to leave the boys for any extra amount of time. and the fact that they cried tears of sadness -- not motivated by anger, frustration, fear or greed -- for the first time in their lives, broke my heart and made me second guess myself. however, their dad was there to dry the tears and a quick pop in of a national geographic DVD seemed to divert the upset.

when i got back back, my oldest asked if ethiopia was beautiful. this question caused pause in my mind. i did not see all of ethiopia. i saw addis ababa and hosanna. two vastly different looking a feeling places. addis is the main city. busy, brown, dusty, bustling with people, goats, dogs, the tooting of car horns (not honking, but tooting about every 30 seconds) -- a city energy minus stoplights and skyscrapers. hosanna is green, quiet, peppered with tin roofed houses and acorn shaped mud huts with stick roofs. people walk on the side of the road because there are no sidewalks. it's misty and cool. and you know what? if you went to either of these places, in a different season, at a different time of day, i believe you would have a different experience. i was only there for 10 days and i am no expert. i just had my own experience with my own set of eyes being there at a frozen moment in time. would i generally describe ethiopia as beautiful? this is the country that gave me, from their arms to mine, our daughter. i don't think it can get any more beautiful than that.

the people i met in ethiopia were warm. open. welcoming. my friend's mom lives in a small space. smaller than many of you can imagine. but you know what? the door to her small home is literally aways open and i sat for hours, (literally as well) on her couch facing the door as at least 40 people filtered in and out to greet us. all sat for at least a few minutes. many stayed much longer. they drank tea and excitedly chatted in amharic, catching up on my friend's life and pictures. the last time she had been home was 8 years ago. something i found fascinating was as she passed her pictures around (we're talking a stack of 200 or more) many of her family and friends took each photo and kissed the faces of her children. each face. it was such a huge contrast to me of how we handle our photos in the states. fingers on the edges only! don't bend! it made me think about the purpose of pictures. to connect. to illicit a feeling. to feel closer and to forever etch a moment in time. i gladly passed my photos of my boys and tears filled my eyes as their faces were pressed to the lips of strangers who loved them just because...