so class with the 4 year olds was totally uneventful as far as having to talk about anything regarding the baby. maybe it's because i brought chocolate milk and ice cream and they went easy on me. the most eventful thing was probably MY 4 year old, who decided to blow zerberts in the vicinity of my boobs in front all his classmates and teachers. all were fascinated.
we read a book and then one of the teachers said, "did you bring a picture of someone to share?" my kid said, "yeah!" he took out the 2 pictures i had brought and started sliding them past each kid on the rug saying, "see?" then the teacher asked "who is that?" and he said, "my sister!" the kids all looked. a couple smiled and then that was it. silence. no drama. no questions about race relations. or iran. no one pointed out that i had a significant pimple on my chin. or asked why my 4 year old boy has such long hair. no one wanted to know why we didn't eat meat. they didn't care. kids are cool.
kids ARE cool. but some adults are less than cool. i have fielded some of the weirdest, rudest, most prying inquiries about our adoption over the past 22 months. some of them have been so whack i just had to laugh. like, "ethiopia? huh. that means your kid's gonna be black you know." i wish so badly that in that moment i had replied, " BLACK??? no way! then we're calling the whole thing off!" but instead i just looked at them and in my dumb-foundedness came up with the whopper response of, "right." or the casual acquaintance who asked how i was, and when i shared the upcoming excitement with her, she got very close in my face, chucked my chin and said, "good for you! a black baby from africa!" so weird. who does that?
the most frequent comment we've heard from people is how "nice" we are to adopt. it's a seemingly insignificant thing to say -- and i am sure the people who say it think they are giving us a compliment. but it is a ridiculous concept. no one adopts to be "nice". no one. no one comes up with the cash, plows through mountains of paperwork, deals with the imperfect bureaucracy of our government offices, (and in our case 2 government offices) has the invasive visits from a random social worker (several times) who wants to know everything about everything. about you, your spouse, your marriage, your parents, your parents parents, your stresses, what you do for fun, your children, your fears, your hopes, your dreams (to name just a few) to be "nice." no one is that nice. trust me.
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Annice, there is still so much prejudice about adoption. I guess there will always be a stigma attached it to. I've noticed that whenever I have mentioned to family or friends that I want to adopt. I get bizarre questions or reactions, first inquiring to me and my husband fertility. And then for people to tell me that I couldn't love an adopted child like I love a child I gave birth to. To where people have even said that I can help children by giving a donation instead!! Needless to say, I argue back til I am blue in the face. I am at the point now, to where I say... " I DON'T CARE WHAT ANYONE THINKS!!" I know whats in my heart, and this is it.
ReplyDeletewait a minute...Im that social worker who comes into your home and asks all those questions!?!?!? Dont worry, its pretty uncomfortable for me to have to come into someone else's family home and ask "so tell me your life story and dont skip any details", or "tell me about your most traumatic experience"...I have the utmost respect for my families going through the home study process. They are all incredible to me and I am so grateful to them for welcoming this stranger (me!) into their home and life. Most of all, I am grateful for people like you and Mike who go through this long and tideous process to welcome a new child into your life; to provide the love and comfort and lifelong relationships she/he may not have gotten with out you. To me, that is not "nice"-that is truly a blessing. You both are a blessing. Love ya.
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